House of Steph: Department of Motor Vehicles

Somehow things really come back to get you... I think the DMV Gods must have heard me talking shit.

Tuesday, March 11, which was one day before my driver's license expired, I went to the DMV to get my renewal. Dread. Last time I went, back in 2003, I was there for six and a half hours. I went in the afternoon, thinking that by 2 or 3:00 the idiocracy would subside a bit. Nope. I walk in, and there are groups of people sitting all around and a desk in front of me. I walk up to the desk, which closely resembles a type of check-in desk. There are a man and a woman standing there talking. They look at me, and the man says, "Ma'am, you need to wait in line at the sign." Okay? There's no one in line and the sign is ten feet behind me. Fine. I walk back to the sign. TWO seconds later, "Ma'am, can I help you?" GRRRRR. Mustn't get too ruffled.... "Sir, I need to get my license renewed." He hands me a ticket after pushing the button that reads quick transaction. Score! He tells me to find a seat in the group of chairs in the middle of the room.

The group in the middle looks packed in like sardines and miserable. I mean desparately miserable the way everyone looks when they're in the DMV. They must have been there forever.... I find a seat on the back row, which is completely empty. Good. Out comes the knitting. Not 30 seconds later, the man from behind the desk comes over and says, "Ma'am, you need to find a seat over here with everyone else. These chairs are for the people who are taking written tests today." But there's no one in line to take tests!!?? Whatever.

"Sir, there's no seats left. I didn't want to disturb these folks."

"Well, you'll need to stand along this wall (points to wall) and wait for a seat, then. These chairs are for people taking tests today." Okay, fine.

I grab my shit and move to the wall. Still knitting, I stand there. Two other girls come in, and they line up along the wall next to me.

The woman from behind the desk now comes over and says, "Y'all need to find a seat or you may not receive service today." What??

"Excuse me, but there are no chairs available right now. Can we not just wait here?"

She points to a chair that seemingly came out of nowhere.... "There's one right over there."

Okay, let me just state that there are probably 40 people seated, waiting to be called, and the chairs are set up in rows closer than theater seating. Knees to backs, I mean. Right? The seat she rudely pointed out is along a cubicle-type partition all the way in the center of the room dividing the group of waiters from the people receiving help at the desks. No one looks up. I slam myself through the crowd and plop in the goddamn chair. Maybe I can get some knitting done now?

I turned my cell phone to silent after I notice a threatening-looking sign on the wall that says no cell phones.

I look at my ticket. Number 180. The board says 168 when I walked in, but now it's up to 171. Not so bad. Several other people in the 340's, then the 400's are called up. They seem to be staggering the "quick transactions" with the not-so-quick ones. Fine. There might be hope. Thirty minutes. Forty minutes... We're at 175 by now. Ten minutes. Twenty more minutes... They've stopped calling the 170's. What happened??

My cell phone rings. It's B. He probably is wondering where the hell I am. I crouch down to hide while ~~talking~~ whispering with him--quickly! "Hey, I'm still in the DMV. I can't talk. I'll talk to you when I get out." He says something about what we're going to do and when I might be home... Then I hear this L.O.U.D., "MA'AM, NO CELL PHONES! MA'AM! MA'AM!! NO CELL PHONES, PLEASE. YOU'LL NEED TO GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONE OR GO IN THE HALLWAY. MA'AM, NO CELL PHONES!!!" The lady from behind the desk is standing and pointing at me, yelling across the room!

I say to B, "I got to GET OFF THIS PHONE before SOMEONE GETS KILLED in here today!! I'm getting CALLED DOWN FOR THE FOURTH TIME in this place." Click.

What is the matter with these people?

I FINALLLY get called at about 4:30. See they're rushing now, since you know, they don't work past 5:00. I get my license and go home with a massive headache. Who the hell gets called down in the DMV four times in one visit?? I'm just a normal person--decidedly not ghetto, decidedly not snobbish or uppity--just me. Normal. Guess that bothers them? Who knows. At least I got the damn thing--I needed it.

Last night I got a speeding ticket on a road that has three lanes on both sides but the speed limit is still only 35. This, after working two and a half hours over my shift at work. I was on the phone calling work back because I forgot to tell the night manager something. Originally I had cruise control on, because I had one of those feelings...

First ticket in probably 10 years. Way to start 30 off right, eh?